Ex-Scotland rugby player Scott Hastings has paid tribute to his “beautiful, loving” wife Jenny, who took her own life last month – and revealed he was “at peace” when her body was found.
Jenny Hastings, 60, a mother-of-two, vanished on September 3 while swimming at Wardie Bay, Edinburgh, after a two-decade struggle with mental health.
Her body was discovered on September 7 – the couple’s wedding anniversary.
Speaking on World Mental Health Day, Hastings, 59, who met his wife at school, urged people to “listen a little more” to help others.
He told BBC Radio Scotland his wife had suffered from post-natal depression after the birth of their second child, and also struggled with anorexia, bulimia and body image, but swimming often helped her.
Hastings said: “Cold water therapy was a place where she could escape to and it was a place of healing, but it was also a place where she could exit, and we’ve had many sort of scares over many years.
“She suffered for well over 20 years, and she just got herself into a headspace and decided that was the best option, despite having had visits from doctors within 40 hours, and a mental health practitioner had visited literally hours before, but the trickery of the mind is so difficult.
“I’m utterly broken-hearted, she was such a beautiful, loving mother, wife, sister and we miss her dearly.”
Recalling the day she disappeared, Hastings said he had returned home and expected to go for a swim with his wife, but she was not there.
He said he drove to Wardie Bay and found her bag – but when he saw her buoyancy aid hung over a tethered buoy in the Firth of Forth, he “knew she had gone” as it was “the last thing that would have saved her”.
He said Mrs Hastings had “put herself in uncompromising and threatening situations” previously to show her distress, but swimming was her passion.
He said when he phoned the Coastguard, he believed she had “gone”, and did not expect his wife’s body to be found.
“She was found a few days later on our wedding anniversary,” Hastings said. “I was kind of resigned to her not returning. When I got the call it was the most unbelievable thing, as though someone put a warm blanket around me – from the top of my head this unbelievable feeling of warmth cascaded through my body.
“I was totally at peace. On my wedding anniversary, I knew she was safe, and we returned her ashes to the water where she loved swimming.”
He added: “Suicide is preventable, and for many, many years Jenny prevented suicide. Unfortunately, she worked out that she felt that she was doing the right thing.”
He encouraged people to make the most of Scotland’s natural environment, as well as endorphins and exercise – describing it as a “green prescription” for mental health – and said mindfulness has helped him cope with bereavement.
Mrs Hastings’s ashes were added to sand from Western Australia, where she worked as a lifesaver after leaving school, and returned to the Firth of Forth.
He said: “That was the moment I knew she was free, and I’ll never forget her.
“I’m just full of pride for her. She had seven catastrophic episodes in the last five years, and this one just became too unbearable for her.”