Brother and sister’s jobs are ‘definitely a conversation starter’

Ray Turner and his sister Vanessa said they are closer than ever after working together

A brother and sister work as a funeral director and funeral arranger for the same company and said people have a “lot of questions”. Ray Turner, a 30-year-old funeral director who lives in Wigan with his partner, Craig, a hairdresser, started his career in rehabilitating prisoners but was drawn to the funeral industry, as he felt he could make a real difference.

In 2022, he took the leap and became a funeral director for Co-op Funeralcare in Southport, finding the role very rewarding he also arranges funerals for the majority of children and babies in the area. Although he did not arrange the funerals for the children killed in the Southport stabbings, he said it affected him “greatly” and he helped put out flowers and ribbons in the local community.

His sister Vanessa Turner, 34, is mum to Harley, three, and lives in Skelmersdale. She was inspired by Ray’s passion and joined the funeral industry in April as a funeral arranger for Co-op Funeralcare in Burscough. Despite working for different branches, the pair often work together, as many members of staff float between the branches in their area. Since doing so, it has brought the pair closer together.

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When people discover they both work in the funeral industry, Vanessa thinks it is “definitely a conversation starter, and people have a lot of questions”.

Vanessa said: “We’ve always had a good relationship but now it’s stronger than ever. I know that he’s literally just there if I need him, he’s got the full knowledge, he’s my full support network. He makes a big difference, to be honest, he’s really reassuring, supportive. So now it’s made us a lot closer.”

After completing his degree in Criminal Justice from Liverpool John Moores University in 2016, Ray began his career as a litigation executive while also rehabilitating prisoners. Ray had always wanted a career where he could “give back” and through his rehabilitation work, he also became an employment coach for individuals re-entering society after prison.

During this time, he frequently encountered job listings in the funeral industry, which “always appealed” to him. In 2022, Ray decided to take the plunge when he saw an advert for a funeral director position at Co-op Funeralcare that did not require any prior experience in the industry.

He said: “I just thought I’d love it; it’s what I want to do. I always used to think, when you pass away, what happens and what happens if you’ve not got money, or if you don’t know what the person wanted. And I think I’ve got the certain personality type to be able to work with families when they’re going through something.”

When Ray shared his decision with loved ones, they all agreed the funeral industry “suited (him) to a T” and he was thrilled to be offered the job after an interview. Vanessa added: “He’s really good with people, he’s confident, friendly, approachable, pleasant and has good manners, so he’s the ideal person. He’s got such a passion for helping people. I thought he’d be absolutely amazing.”

Starting on December 1, 2022, Ray found the role “fascinating and interesting,” and his “confidence grew” with time. One of the hardest aspects of his job is managing the funerals of children and babies in the Southport area.

He said: “It was difficult at first… I always feel at the end of doing one of those particular funerals, or even if it’s a tragic funeral of an adult, that I can drive home at the end of the day, and can think to myself, I have done something good with my time today.” Although he did not deal with them directly, he was emotionally impacted by the Southport stabbings where three children were killed.

Ray said: “I just had massive empathy for the families… it’s awful and it’s the worst thing to deal with, the loss of a child. But when it was under those sorts of circumstances, it affected us all greatly. We all felt it, and especially working so close in the area. Anything we could do to help in the community, we did, whether that was putting down flowers or pink ribbons.”

His day-to-day responsibilities include attending funerals, helping to arrange them, and caring for the deceased. In early 2024, Ray’s older sister Vanessa approached him about joining the funeral industry. Vanessa, who had worked in care homes and nurseries, found end-of-life care in her previous care home role very rewarding, particularly in supporting the families and “maintaining the deceased’s dignity”.

Ray said: “She’s a brilliant people person, amazing with children, like one of those people that are sort of like a natural mum. She has that side to her and I thought so much of that could translate to funeral care. I thought she’d be amazing and I’m so glad she went for it because I thought she’d be an excellent fit.”

In April 2024, Vanessa found a job listing for a funeral arranger position at the Co-op. She was thrilled when she got the job and now spends her days meeting with the bereaved, planning funerals, and ensuring the deceased remain presentable.

Vanessa also found that, in her first few weeks, it really helped having Ray to speak to. She said: “I had to do a funeral for a baby recently, and because of my own son, and I used to work with children, I found it really emotional. It’s a rewarding job but it is hard and you have to be professional.”

“I felt myself filling up with tears and Ray just helped me saying I’m an empathetic person and some families like to see that side. He helped me learn that it’s important to have a way of relief after work too. He gives me the best advice and I always feel lighter after talking to him, it’s helped millions, he’s incredible.”

Ray added: “On her first day taking her own arrangements with the family on her own, I actually covered the funeral home that day, so I was on the desk while she was with the family. That way I could sort of nip in and out and answer questions for her.”

When people learn about the siblings’ careers, they’re often fascinated. Vanessa said: “It’s definitely a conversation starter, and people have a lot of questions. I think people think it’s nice we do it together.”

Since working in the funeral industry, both Ray and Vanessa feel they’ve become more open about death. Working together has also brought them closer as siblings. Ray said: “We even talk about work outside of work so it gives us even more to talk about, we’ve always been close but we’re so much closer now we have each other to lean on.”