By Matt Wilkinson
THROUGHOUT her reign and service, the Queen’s role was chiefly head of state while the Duke of Edinburgh was left to be head of the family.
But when Prince Harry and Meghan revealed on Instagram they were quitting royal duties to live in America, it was a crisis that required the Queen to be both.
At a hastily convened summit at Sandringham in January 2020 her decision was swift and final; the Sussexes can leave the family business but not have the trappings that come with being royal.
The wantaway couple were told there was no “half-in, half-out” role and that they could not have their cake and eat it as they were wished good luck in their new life.
In her statement the Queen thanked them for their “dedicated” work saying she was “particularly proud of Meghan”.
She added: “It is my whole family’s hope that today’s agreement allows them to start building a happy and peaceful new life.”
This new beginning was anything but peaceful for the Queen. Because although the couple had quit royal service, they remained in the family.
As one palace insider put it: “They might no longer be working members of the Royal Family but they are not in exile.”
Leaving royal life and service to the crown and state was never a consideration or choice for the Queen. She was catapulted into succession when her uncle Edward VIII quit royal service to marry divorcee Wallis Simpson in 1936.
Seeing the impact on her father scarred the Queen’s early years but she rose to dedicate herself to a life of service.
So in her mid-90s — forced to isolate in Windsor Castle as Covid-19 raged — the Queen was asked to step up and deal with this cross-Atlantic family crisis, again and again and again.
Throughout the pandemic there was the overriding national feeling that Harry and Meghan would be best served in the UK by supporting the Royal Family rather than firing increasingly bitter pot-shots from across the pond.
When the one-year review came round, The Queen acted as both head of state and head of the family when the couple said they would not return.
Meghan was stripped of her patronages. Harry’s honorary military titles were formally removed.
They were relieved as President and Vice-President of the Queen’s Commonwealth Trust after claiming the former Empire “must right the wrongs” of the past.
In her final Megxit statement the Queen explained: “Following conversations with the Duke, the Queen has written confirming that in stepping away from the work of the Royal Family it is not possible to continue with the responsibilities and duties that come with a life of public service.
“While we are all saddened by their decision, The Duke and Duchess remain much-loved members of the family.”
The Duke of Sussex responded to the final Megxit deal — struck with Prince Philip in hospital — with an incendiary retort.
Their spokesman said: “As evidenced by their work over the past year, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex remain committed to their duty and service to the UK and around the world, and have offered their continued support to the organisations they have represented regardless of official role.
“We can all live a life of service. Service is universal.”
Harry had initiated the review two months early because the couple wanted to tell “their truth” to Oprah Winfrey. The “tell-all” chat which aired days after the swapping of Megxit statements sent shockwaves around the world.
The couple alleged there was a racist in the Royal Family and claimed Meghan’s mental health concerns were ignored.
Astonishingly, the Queen was not told about what was planned, as palace insiders revealed “as non-working members of the Royal Family they are under no obligation to inform the Royal Household of such plans”.
Faced with an onslaught of accusations, many later proven to be untrue, the Queen waited more than 38 hours to respond publicly. She ordered a private family-led probe into the claims but tellingly, issued these words: “Some recollections may vary”.
She kept it civil by saying the Sussexes remain “much-loved family members”.
A source close to the Queen said: “She is not angry, she is just sad. They have always worried about him and the Queen feels very protective about him (Harry).”
Two months later Harry went further on a mental health podcast, blasting his upbringing saying he wanted to “break the cycle” of pain caused by his father.
This felt a more personal attack on the Queen, Charles and the whole Royal Family.
Faced with overwhelming public sympathy, coming after the shock and horror of the first Oprah interview, and grieving the loss of her husband, she stayed silent.
Just a few years earlier the Queen had welcomed divorcee Meghan into the fold and issued an Instrument of Consent for their May 2018 wedding saying she was “delighted for the couple”.
She gifted Meghan a set of pearl earrings and a necklace for her engagement and presented Frogmore Cottage to the couple.
The pair shared a tender moment when the Queen placed a blanket on Meghan’s knees on their first joint-engagement together in Cheshire. Meghan later told Oprah: “The Queen has always been wonderful to me.”
An insider said: “She was understanding that Harry and Meghan wanted out but it could not come at the detriment of the whole family.”
Because stepping away from royal life has never even crossed the Queen’s mind during her reign. She remembered only too well the huge toll that Edward VIII’s abdication had on her own father and the Royal Family.
When Edward quit royal duty to marry American Wallis Simpson, the line of succession passed to her father.
George VI called it a “burden” as he was the second-born and the spare and so was never meant to take the crown, let alone pass it down to his eldest daughter.
But he was regarded as a successful wartime king although he succumbed to the stress and heavy smoking and died aged 56 — leaving Princess Elizabeth to become Queen aged 25.
In a worldwide radio message on her 21st, she said: “I declare before you all that my whole life whether it be long or short shall be devoted to your service.”
The thought of abdication, or quitting royal service to enjoy life elsewhere, even stepping away as head of state or head of the family, was never ever an option she wanted or explored.
The Queen was true to her word. And her service was universal to family and state.